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Averyt: Father's Day Thoughts

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"This Father's Day, I invite others to join me in honoring anyone who's ever reached out and embraced a vulnerable child with wide open arms and a willing heart," writes commentator Anne Averyt.

With Father’s Day just a couple days away and Mother’s Day only a few weeks gone, it’s a time when most people take a moment to reflect on parental love and care.

But some of us had parents who were unable to provide the love and nurturing their children needed to grow and prosper – sometimes a parent fails their child.

And even if that failure isn’t the kind of severe abuse or trauma that leaves deep wounds, it can still impact a child’s development. Sometimes, parents simply lack the crucial ability to provide love and connection, and it may not be a case of malicious or intentional harm. Parents may be stuck reliving their own history, passing on their own early pain and experience. But when the victim is a child struggling to thrive, intention doesn’t matter.

For me, Father’s Day and Mother’s Day are not a time to praise my birth parents, but rather occasions to remember and acknowledge the unconventional parenting that helped me become who I am today.

In my life there were many unsung heroes who loom large. When I needed them, it was my extended family who stepped in – from my grandfather to aunts and uncles. Even a slew of “greats” – great aunts and uncles – provided me with the nurturing I lacked at home.

A long line of school teachers, sport coaches and youth leaders also encouraged me and gave me a sense of value and self-worth. These were the special people in my childhood who offered me the gift of their unconditional love - caring people who may not have had any idea how transforming their gift would be.

I hold those healing memories close to my heart. These special people gave me what my own parents could not – and theirs is the love I acknowledge on days of “remembrance.”

But I know this story isn’t mine alone.

So this Father’s Day, I invite others to join me in honoring anyone who’s ever reached out and embraced a vulnerable child with wide open arms and a willing heart.

And I’ll spend the day reflecting on love freely given to me by the many men and women whom I’m proud to call “my family.”

Free lance writer, Anne Averyt, lives in South Burlington, with her cat Sam and as many flowers as possible.
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